Independent surrogacy: Can I be a surrogate for my brother or sister?

Yes, you can absolutely be a surrogate for your brother, sister, or even a close friend. Many families today are choosing independent surrogacy to keep the process within the circle of trust.

Recently, The Wall Street Journal interviewed our founder and CEO, Jeff Hu, who shared that the average surrogate compensation in the U.S. has increased to around $50,000. This is a 35% rise from just five years ago. On top of that, families often cover the costs of medications, egg or sperm donation, and insurance.

With these rising expenses, some intended parents are turning to someone they already know. Asking a sibling or family friend to be a surrogate can be a more personal and financially manageable option.

Choosing this path doesn’t mean you’re on your own. Even in independent journeys, you still need legal support, medical screening, and emotional guidance. That’s where SurrogateFirst can help.

What is independent surrogacy? 

Independent surrogacy, sometimes called private surrogacy, happens when the intended parents and the surrogate already know each other. Instead of being matched by an agency, they take the lead but still need professionals to handle the medical, legal, and logistical parts of the journey.

This option is often chosen by:

• Siblings or relatives
• Longtime friends
• Families looking to lower costs or simplify the process

For a full comparison, visit:
The Pros and Cons of Independent vs. Agency Surrogacy

What is altruistic surrogacy?

Not every surrogacy agreement involves monetary compensation. It may sound impossible, but many surrogates agree to get pregnant for altruistic reasons, motivations based on nothing else but an admirable abundance of kindness.

That’s the short definition of altruistic surrogacy, yet that doesn’t mean this type of surrogacy is free of charge.

The intended parents will still have to pay for the surrogacy; they’ll merely have more financial flexibility in the contract since the surrogate will receive no payment.

On the other hand, commercial surrogacy is when a woman gets paid for her participation, and a contract outlines the terms of the deal at length.

So, who are the most common types of altruistic surrogates nowadays?

Can an altruistic surrogate be a sibling?

The short answer is yes. Yes, indeed, altruistic surrogates can be siblings, and they’re the most common type too.

In fact, using a family member is preferable in many cases since there is a close relationship between the surrogate and the intended parents.

Emotional bonds matter equally as much as genetic links, especially during the emotional roller coaster of pregnancy. There’s also a certain peace of mind gained by choosing a surrogate sibling instead of someone you don’t know intimately.

While state laws in the U.S. are clear about surrogacy, the last thing anyone wants is for a disagreement to end up in paternity court.

The honest, upfront truth is that there have been cases where the surrogate essentially got cold feet and decided to keep the newborn child.

Yet, using a surrogate sister would ideally avoid that conundrum altogether since the relationship with the intended parents will be familial, not mainly financial, as with commercial gestational surrogacy.

That said, what else should you keep in mind when considering being a surrogate sibling?

Things to consider before becoming a surrogate for a sibling

Before embarking on this remarkable journey to become a surrogate for your brother or sister, there are several crucial factors to consider:

Medical Requirements

To be an altruistic surrogate for a sibling, you’ll typically need to meet specific medical criteria:

• Age between 21 and 40 years old
• Body Mass Index (BMI) between 19 and 32
• Previous successful pregnancy with no major complications
• Currently raising a child in your own home
• Good overall physical and mental health

Emotional Preparedness

Surrogacy is an intimate and complex emotional experience. You’ll need to:

• Be comfortable with medical procedures and pregnancy monitoring
• Have open, honest communication with your sibling
• Prepare for potential changes in family dynamics
• Understand the deep emotional commitment involved

Financial Considerations

While altruistic surrogacy means you won’t receive traditional compensation, it’s important to discuss:

• Potential out-of-pocket expenses
• Time off work
• Medical appointment costs
• Potential compensation for direct expenses

Addressing Potential Challenges of sibling surrogacy

Sibling Dynamics

Be prepared for:

• Potential resurfacing of old sibling rivalries
• Emotional complexities around fertility
• Establishing clear boundaries throughout the process

Family Impact

Consider how this decision might affect:

• Extended family relationships
• Future family gatherings
• The child’s understanding of their unique birth story

Why Choose Sibling Surrogacy?

Altruistic surrogacy offers unique advantages:

• Deep existing trust and emotional connection
• Shared genetic background
• Potentially lower financial burden
• Intimate understanding of family medical history

Independent Surrogacy Checklist

If you’re considering this path, here’s a list of essentials:

•  Medical screening and fertility clinic approval
•  Psychological evaluation and counseling
•  Legal agreement from a reproductive attorney
•  Clear financial arrangements
•  Surrogacy-friendly insurance coverage
•  Birth plan and postpartum expectations
•  Open lines of communication and emotional support

For a detailed step-by-step, read:
Surrogacy Process: From Match to Miracle

Independent Surrogacy Contracts

Even if you’re carrying for your sibling, a surrogacy contract is a must. It protects:

• Parental rights for the intended parents
• The surrogate’s physical and emotional well-being
• Expectations around procedures, delivery, and post-birth plans

It’s not about distrust. It’s about protecting the relationship and making sure everyone feels secure.

Surrogacy with SurrogateFirst

At SurrogateFirst, we follow a careful screening process to give every journey the best chance of success. This is why we ask both surrogates and intended parents to be patient as we move through each step.

The ideal surrogate is between 18 and 40 years old, with a healthy BMI between 18 and 32. Strong candidates also have no history of pregnancy or birth complications, are non-smokers who live in smoke-free environments, and do not abuse drugs or alcohol.

It is also important to live in a state with clear and supportive surrogacy laws. These laws differ from state to state. For example, some require a pre-birth parentage order while others may require intended parents to adopt the child after birth.

Most surrogates must also have a clean criminal record, even when the candidate is a sibling offering to carry.

If you feel you meet these basic requirements, the next step is to connect with an agency like SurrogateFirst. We will guide you through the details and help you begin the process.

In the end, surrogacy is a remarkable gift to witness, especially when it comes from a sibling who chooses to carry as an act of love and kindness.