Introduction
Starting your surrogacy journey is an exciting and deeply meaningful experience. One of the most important early steps in this process is the surrogacy match meeting—a conversation between the intended parents (IPs) and the surrogate to ensure a strong, compatible match. This meeting is a chance to discuss expectations, ask questions, and build a connection that will set the tone for the entire journey.
If you’re a woman considering becoming a surrogate, you might feel a mix of excitement and nerves about this first meeting. Rest assured, it’s not a test—it’s simply an opportunity to get to know the intended parents and see if you feel comfortable moving forward together.
1. Preparing for the Match Meeting
Reviewing Each Other’s Profiles
Before the meeting, both surrogates and intended parents receive detailed profiles. These documents help each party learn about the other’s background, values, and expectations.
Each profile typically includes:
- Personal background and family life
- Reasons for pursuing surrogacy
- Past pregnancy history (for surrogates)
- A heartfelt letter sharing hopes and dreams for the journey
Reading these profiles beforehand helps both parties enter the conversation with a basic understanding of each other’s story and expectations.
Setting Up for the Meeting
To make the most of the match meeting, consider these simple preparations:
- Find a quiet space with minimal distractions.
- Ensure good lighting and a stable internet connection if meeting via Zoom.
- Come with an open heart—this is about building a meaningful connection, not just checking boxes.
2. What Happens During a Match Meeting?
Introductions and First Impressions
The meeting usually starts with warm introductions. Both the surrogate and the intended parents will share a little about themselves, including their family, hobbies, and motivations for joining the surrogacy journey.
Many surrogates find that small shared interests—such as a love for reading, hiking, or pets—help break the ice and make the conversation feel more natural.
Communication and Relationship Expectations
Communication is key throughout the surrogacy process. Some questions you might discuss during the initial surrogacy match meeting include:
- How often will we check in with each other?
- Do we prefer texting, phone calls, or video chats?
- How much involvement do the intended parents want during the pregnancy?
- What kind of relationship do we hope to maintain after birth?
Many intended parents and surrogates form deep friendships that last beyond the journey, while others prefer a more formal arrangement. The goal is to ensure that expectations align.
Pregnancy and Delivery Preferences
This part of the conversation helps everyone understand what to expect during pregnancy and birth. Topics include:
- Past pregnancy experiences, including any complications
- Whether the intended parents want to be in the delivery room
- How to handle unexpected situations, such as an emergency C-section
- Hospital logistics, including whether a room will be available for the parents
These discussions help create a birth plan that respects both the surrogate’s comfort and the intended parents’ wishes.
IVF, Embryo Details, and Timelines
The intended parents will share details about their embryos, such as:
- How many embryos they have
- Whether the embryos have undergone genetic testing
- Their ideal timeline for the embryo transfer
Additionally, surrogates can share any upcoming blackout dates due to personal commitments to help align scheduling expectations.
3. Addressing Serious Topics
Termination and Selective Reduction
One of the most important—and sometimes difficult—discussions involves termination and selective reduction. Because surrogacy involves complex medical decisions, it’s crucial that intended parents and surrogates are aligned on these issues before moving forward.
Fortunately, the match meeting is not the first time these topics are addressed. Both parties will have outlined their views in their profiles, so this conversation is usually about confirming alignment rather than debating views.
Vaccination and Health Guidelines
Some intended parents have preferences regarding flu shots, COVID-19 vaccines, or other medical protocols. The match meeting is a good time to clarify any health-related expectations.
Special Requests
Occasionally, either party may have specific requests related to lifestyle, diet, or religious considerations. While most intended parents trust the surrogate to maintain her normal, healthy lifestyle, some may request dietary adjustments for religious or personal reasons. These discussions should always be approached with respect and flexibility.
4. What Shouldn’t Be Discussed?
One key rule during a match meeting is to avoid discussions about money. Compensation, insurance coverage, and financial agreements are all handled separately by the surrogacy agency. This ensures that financial aspects don’t interfere with the personal connection being established.
If any financial questions arise, the agency coordinator will address them privately after the match meeting.
5. Tips for a Successful Match Meeting
- Be open and honest. Transparency builds trust and ensures a smoother journey.
- Listen as much as you speak. Mutual understanding is key to a successful match.
- Don’t be afraid to ask questions. If something is important to you, bring it up.
- Relax! It’s normal to feel nervous, but remember—this is about finding the right match for everyone involved.
If you’re shy or unsure how to ask a question, let your agency coordinator know in advance. They can help facilitate the discussion.
Conclusion
A match meeting is a major milestone in the surrogacy process, offering a chance to build trust and ensure compatibility. While it may seem daunting at first, with the right preparation and mindset, it can be an exciting and reassuring step forward.
At the heart of surrogacy is human connection—two parties coming together with a shared dream of bringing new life into the world. By approaching the match meeting with openness, honesty, and compassion, both intended parents and surrogates can take the first steps toward a beautiful journey together.
