The journey to parenthood is a deeply personal and often emotional experience, especially for same-sex couples. In recent years, surrogacy has emerged as a beacon of hope for many gay individuals and couples dreaming of starting a family.
What is Gay Surrogacy?
Gay surrogacy refers to the process by which LGBTQ+ individuals or couples become parents through the use of a surrogate who carries the child on their behalf.
While there is no single global legal definition, the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) recognizes surrogacy as a form of assisted reproduction that includes same-sex intended parents.
The United Nations Human Rights Council has also acknowledged the rights of LGBTQ+ individuals to start families through legal, ethical surrogacy arrangements in jurisdictions where it is permitted.
In a gay surrogacy arrangement:
- A gestational surrogate carries an embryo that is not genetically related to her.
- The embryo is created using donor eggs and sperm from one or both intended fathers or a donor sperm in the case of two intended mothers.
Gay surrogacy is most commonly pursued by male same-sex couples or single gay men, though it can also involve lesbian couples in specific legal contexts.
Gay Surrogacy Requirements
There are no U.S. laws that impose unique legal or medical requirements exclusively for gay individuals or couples seeking surrogacy. However, the general requirements for intended parents still apply, including:
- Financial readiness to cover surrogacy-related costs
- Completion of psychological evaluations and background checks
- Willingness to work with a surrogacy agency and legal counsel
- A valid medical reason for pursuing surrogacy (in states where this is a legal prerequisite)
- Willingness to undergo legal contracts and parentage proceedings
It is also critical that the intended parents work with a surrogacy-friendly agency—like SurrogateFirst—that welcomes and advocates for LGBTQ+ families throughout the process.
Gay Surrogacy Laws
United States
The legal landscape for gay surrogacy in the U.S. varies by state. Fortunately, many states now fully support same-sex surrogacy arrangements and offer clear parentage laws that protect LGBTQ+ intended parents.
States like California, Connecticut, and Illinois are among the most inclusive and legally secure.
Other states may have ambiguous laws or lack clear protections, making it crucial to work with legal experts familiar with LGBTQ+ surrogacy.
Some states still require at least one biological connection between the child and an intended parent, which can impact legal proceedings for gay couples using both an egg and sperm donor.
Internationally
Globally, gay surrogacy laws are still developing.
Countries like Canada, Colombia, the UK, and South Africa are considered more inclusive and allow gay couples to pursue surrogacy under regulated conditions.
However, many countries—such as France, Italy, and much of Asia and the Middle East—still restrict or ban surrogacy altogether, especially for LGBTQ+ families.
For this reason, the U.S. remains a top destination for international gay couples seeking ethical, legally protected surrogacy.
Financial Assistance for Gay Surrogacy
Surrogacy is a significant financial investment, and the costs remain largely the same for gay and heterosexual intended parents. Fortunately, several financing and grant options are available specifically to help LGBTQ+ individuals and couples build their families.
Financing & Grant Programs
- Men Having Babies (MHB) Gay Parenting Assistance Program (GPAP): Offers grants and discounted services exclusively for gay men pursuing surrogacy.
- Baby Quest Foundation: Offers family-building grants to LGBTQ+ intended parents.
- Journey to Parenthood Grant: Supports both heterosexual and LGBTQ+ individuals with infertility-related financial assistance.
Many agencies, including SurrogateFirst, also offer payment plans or partnerships with medical financing companies to make the process more accessible.
Insurance Considerations
Most U.S. health insurance policies do not cover the cost of surrogacy procedures, especially for the intended parent(s).
Some surrogacy-related expenses may be covered, such as prenatal care for the surrogate if she has an ACA-compliant plan.
However, IVF, egg donation, embryo transfer, and delivery fees typically fall outside the scope of most standard policies.
Because of this, many intended parents turn to specialized surrogacy insurance providers or add-on riders to ensure the surrogate and baby receive full medical coverage during the journey.
Gay Surrogacy Process
Embarking on a surrogacy journey can feel overwhelming, but understanding the process can help ease your concerns. Gay surrogacy follows a similar path to traditional surrogacy, with a few unique considerations such as:
- establishing parental rights,
- selecting the right surrogate,
- and navigating state-specific laws.
In this guide, we’ll break down the essential steps and considerations for same-sex couples pursuing surrogacy in the U.S.
1. Choosing Your Surrogacy Type
As a gay couple or individual, you have options which are gestational surrogacy, traditional surrogacy, “dual-birth” surrogacy …
Gestational surrogacy is the most common choice, where a surrogate carries an embryo created using one partner’s sperm and a donor egg.
Some couples opt for “dual-birth” surrogacy, a beautiful way to have children genetically related to each partner by using two surrogates.
2. Finding Your Perfect Match
Your surrogate will play a crucial role in your journey to parenthood. You might find her through an agency, such as SurrogateFirst agency, or perhaps she’s a compassionate family member or friend willing to carry your child.
Remember, this person will be a part of your life for months, so take the time to find someone you connect with, agency, field professionals are here to guide you
3. Legal Safeguards
While it may seem daunting, establishing clear legal agreements with your surrogate and egg donor (if applicable) is crucial.
These contracts protect everyone involved and help ensure a smooth journey.
4. The Wonder of Science
Medical procedures like in vitro fertilization (IVF) and embryo transfer are vital steps in your journey. It’s normal to feel a mix of excitement and nervousness during this phase – remember, you’re one step closer to meeting your little one!
For male couples, typically one partner’s sperm is used to fertilize a donor egg. Female couples might choose to have one partner provide the egg while the other carries the baby, or they may opt for a gestational surrogate with a donor egg. Each path is unique and beautiful in its own way.
5. Pregnancy and Birth
This is where your dream starts becoming a reality. Many intended parents find great joy in being involved throughout the pregnancy, attending appointments, and preparing for their baby’s arrival.
6. Welcoming Your Child
After the birth, there may be some legal steps to establish your parental rights, depending on your location. But soon enough, you’ll be holding your baby in your arms – a moment worth every step of this journey.
Pros of Gay Surrogacy
1. Genetic Connection
For many same-sex couples, surrogacy provides the opportunity to maintain a genetic link with their child. This can be particularly meaningful for couples who want to pass down family traits or maintain biological ties.
- Male couples often use sperm from one partner to fertilize a donor egg, creating a direct genetic link.
- Female couples may choose to use one partner’s egg, allowing one to be the genetic mother and the other to carry the pregnancy.
2. Active Involvement in the Pregnancy
Surrogacy allows intended parents to stay involved throughout the pregnancy, from the selection of an egg donor to prenatal visits and the birth itself. This involvement fosters connection and helps build a bond before the baby arrives.
3. Legal Protections for Parental Rights
In states where surrogacy is legally recognized, establishing parental rights through surrogacy can be more straightforward than adoption. Legal agreements clearly define each party’s roles and rights, providing security and peace of mind.
4. Overcoming Adoption Limitations
Some regions still have restrictive adoption laws for gay couples. Surrogacy offers a clear path to parenthood, bypassing potential legal roadblocks associated with adoption.
5. Health and Safety Assurance
Surrogacy allows intended parents to choose a surrogate who meets rigorous health criteria, ensuring a safe pregnancy and a healthy start for the baby. Working with reputable agencies like SurrogateFirst helps mitigate risks through comprehensive screening.
6. Building Relationships with Surrogates
The surrogacy journey often fosters lasting connections with surrogates. Some families maintain relationships with their surrogates, creating a broader support network for the child.
7. Prenatal Care Control
Unlike adoption, surrogacy allows intended parents to be actively involved in prenatal care decisions, ensuring the best possible environment for the developing baby.
Cons of Gay Surrogacy
1. Financial Considerations
Surrogacy can be a significant financial investment, with costs ranging from $100,000 to $200,000 or more. Intended parents should plan for medical expenses, legal fees, surrogate compensation, and potential unforeseen costs.
2. Legal Complexities
Surrogacy laws differ by state and country, and not all jurisdictions recognize gay surrogacy equally. Consulting with LGBTQ+ friendly legal experts is crucial to navigating potential legal hurdles.
3. Emotional Strain
The surrogacy journey can be emotionally intense, with uncertainties and challenges along the way. Establishing a strong support system and seeking counseling can help couples manage the emotional rollercoaster.
4. Lengthy Process
From finding a surrogate to legal clearances and the birth itself, the surrogacy process can extend over 18 months or longer. Patience and preparation are essential.
5. Potential Discrimination
Unfortunately, some regions or professionals may not fully embrace gay surrogacy, leading to potential discrimination or bias. Partnering with LGBTQ+ inclusive agencies like SurrogateFirst ensures respect and support throughout the journey.
Gay Surrogacy Laws Per State
Navigating the legal landscape of gay surrogacy can feel like solving a complex puzzle, but don’t let that discourage you. Laws vary significantly across the United States, and understanding them is crucial for your peace of mind:
States Embracing Compensated Gestational Surrogacy for Gay Couples:
- California
- Connecticut
- Delaware
- Maine
- Nevada
- North Dakota
- Oregon
- Rhode Island
These states have paved the way in recognizing and supporting gay surrogacy, offering a more straightforward legal process.
Gay Surrogacy Law in California
In California, surrogacy is a legal and accessible option for same-sex couples seeking to build their families.
Gay Adoption per State
Updated List of States Welcoming Gay Couples for Adoption – 2025:
- California
- Colorado
- Connecticut
- Idaho
- Illinois
- Indiana
- Maine
- Massachusetts
- Montana
- New Jersey
- New York
- Oklahoma
- Pennsylvania
- Vermont
Note: While adoption for gay couples is legal nationwide, these states have additional supportive policies, resources, and nondiscrimination protections that can facilitate a more inclusive adoption process. Adoption laws don’t directly govern surrogacy, they often reflect a state’s overall stance on gay parenting rights.
It’s important to note that laws can be complex and may change. Always consult with a legal professional who specializes in reproductive law in your state. They can be your guide, ensuring you’re well-informed and protected throughout your surrogacy journey.
International Gay Surrogacy
International surrogacy can open up new possibilities, but it’s important to approach this option with careful consideration and thorough research.
Countries known for being more open to gay surrogacy include:
- France: Same-sex couples can become parents in France via international surrogacy
- Canada: Known for its progressive policies and high-quality healthcare.
- Colombia: Emerging as a welcoming destination for gay surrogacy.
- Greece: Open to male couples, offering beautiful surroundings for your surrogacy journey.
When considering international surrogacy, it’s crucial to work with reputable agencies experienced in cross-border arrangements. Be prepared to navigate potential challenges such as:
- Securing citizenship for your child
- Ensuring legal recognition of your parentage
- Understanding and working within different healthcare systems
Remember, while international surrogacy can be complex, many couples have successfully built their families this way. With the right support and preparation, it can be a beautiful and rewarding journey.
Gay Adoption vs. Gay Surrogacy
When building your family, you might find yourself weighing the options of adoption and surrogacy. Both are beautiful ways to become parents, each with its own unique aspects:
Adoption:
- Often less expensive than surrogacy
- Provides a loving home for a child in need
- Can be domestic or international
- May have long waiting periods
- No genetic connection to the child
- Can be a way to give an older child a family
Surrogacy:
- Allows for genetic connection to one or both parents
- More control over the pregnancy and prenatal care
- Often a faster process than adoption
- More expensive than most adoptions
- Involves complex medical and legal processes
- Opportunity to be involved from conception
Remember, there’s no “right” choice – only the choice that’s right for your family. Many couples find that their hearts lead them clearly to one path or the other.
Gay Surrogacy Resources
Conclusion
Embarking on the path of gay surrogacy is a profound expression of love and commitment to building a family. While the journey may have its challenges, many gay couples and individuals find it to be an incredibly rewarding experience that results in the greatest joy of their lives – parenthood.
As you consider this path, remember:
1. Stay Informed: Laws and practices in surrogacy are evolving. Keep yourself updated and don’t hesitate to ask questions.
2. Choose Your Team Wisely: Work with reputable agencies and professionals experienced in gay surrogacy. Their expertise can be invaluable.
3. Prepare for the Journey: Surrogacy is an emotional, financial, and time investment. Prepare yourself for all aspects of the process.
4. Build Your Support Network: Surround yourself with supportive friends, family, and professionals. Their encouragement can make a world of difference.
5. Celebrate Each Step: From finding a surrogate to hearing the first heartbeat, each milestone is special. Take time to cherish these moments.
About SurrogateFirst
SurrogateFirst was born from a deeply personal understanding of the surrogacy journey, rooted in our core values of endurance, transformation, hope, and the miracle of life.
Our foundation is built on the profound experiences of real-life surrogates and the incredible impact their selfless acts have on countless lives.
Our mission comes from the heart: to be the most compassionate, supportive partner to our surrogates, ensuring their physical and emotional well-being, as well as their financial security.
Every member of our team carries the weight of personal experience, whether as dedicated surrogates who’ve felt the joy of helping create families, as intended parents who’ve known the ache of longing and the thrill of dreams fulfilled, or as medical professionals who’ve witnessed the power of science and human kindness working in harmony.
Ready to start your surrogacy journey? Contact our team if you have any questions!
