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What is ‘Sexual Surrogacy’ Anyways?

Sexual surrogacy is a bit of a controversial topic nowadays, so we’re going to go over the facts to show you what it’s actually about in the real world.

what is sexual surrogacy

Unfortunately, there’s no shortage of myths and misconceptions surrounding sexual surrogacy, which could be why there’s so much confusion about the practice.

In short, traditional surrogacy entails a compensated arrangement between intended parents and a female who will give birth to a child on their behalf. The surrogate essentially acts as a vessel to deliver a child when intended parents cannot convenience a child naturally on their own, and custody of the child goes to the intended parents instead of the surrogate.

An alternative is an altruistic surrogacy, which isn’t as expected because it’s difficult to find a surrogate who will agree to get pregnant without financial compensation. Yet, most of the time, the arrangement between intended parents and the surrogate is commercial in nature.

In other words, the surrogate doesn’t necessarily need to receive compensation from participating, but most do.

On the other hand, sexual surrogacy is entirely different. Here are the facts that you should know to get an accurate, unbiased portrait of what sexual surrogacy actually entails.

What is sexual surrogacy?

Also known as surrogate partner therapy (SPT), sexual surrogacy is a therapeutic modality that aims to help men and women become more comfortable with their natural sexuality, whatever it may be.

Honestly, sometimes a loving couple is biologically capable of conceiving a child; the problem is that one partner may have difficulty with emotional intimacy as well as physical intimacy.

A surrogate partner helps someone come to terms with their sexuality to restore sexual functioning and sexual health so that couples can conceive children naturally without the need for assisted reproductive technologies like in-vitro fertilization.

That’s a simple definition of what sexual surrogacy actually is in the real world.

Another easy way to describe a surrogate partner is that they’re basically a “replacement” partner who can show you what healthy sexuality really looks like in a loving relationship.

Myths and misconceptions about sexual surrogacy

One of the most persistent myths about sexual surrogacy is that it’s no different than prostitution, but that only shows how easy it is to get confused about the topic.

A surrogate partner doesn’t necessarily need to touch their clients because a significant component of the therapy is getting comfortable with emotional intimacy, not only the physical part of sexuality.

Imagine the frustration of finally falling in love, planning a life together with your partner, getting everything else in order, and then sexual dysfunction puts everything in jeopardy.

In this situation, the problem isn’t related to infertility per se but rather suggestive of a behavioral health issue – in this case, sexuality.

Along those lines, sexual surrogacy is absolutely not the same thing as cheating on your partner because it takes place in a therapeutic setting with clearly defined – and always respected – boundaries.

That said, how do you know if sexual surrogacy is right for you and your partner?

Who can benefit most from sexual surrogacy?

If you don’t feel a genuine connection with your sexuality and feel like it’s interfering with your relationship, you might be a candidate for sexual surrogacy.

But understand that it’s not for everyone!

First of all, you have to be comfortable even talking about sex with someone you don’t know very well. Eventually, you’ll become much more familiar with sex therapy, but it takes a little bit of time to truly open up and be honest about your sexuality, or lack thereof.

While this isn’t a complete list of every behavioral health issue that sexual surrogacy can treat, the following conditions are the ideal candidates for the modality:

  • Sexual identity disorders
  • Sex-related post-traumatic stress
  • Body dysmorphia
  • Mental or physical disabilities
  • Erectile dysfunction
  • Premature ejaculation
  • Vaginismus

Overall, these are the most common reasons you might seek out a surrogate sex partner and see a licensed sex therapist, which we’ll now go over so that you know what a sexual surrogate actually does.

How does sexual surrogacy work?

Indeed, sexual surrogacy begins with a licensed sex therapist. This type of behavioral health expert specializes in human sexuality and everything that comes along with it, especially emotional intimacy, which isn’t as easy to define as you might think.

 sex therapy and sexual surrogacy

After all, how do we measure our sexuality? Do we estimate sexual health based on the number of times we give birth to children? Or do we judge our sexuality based on the social mores of others, what we’re “supposed to do” in a relationship?

The role of a sex therapist is to help you answer all of those questions and any others you might have regarding your sexual health. The surrogate sex partner’s role is to act as a stand-in to help you relax, learn to communicate effectively, improve social skills, and perhaps rehearse sensual physical contact.

But that does not mean that sexual surrogacy entails full-blown sex! If you genuinely have a problem with physical intimacy, something as simple as a gentle touch on the arm can make you recoil and suffer an anxiety attack – or worse.

In this situation, receiving psychological counseling from a sex therapist is the only way to dig down to the root of the problem, and a sexual surrogate partner is a vital part of treatment.

If you’d like to learn more details about sexual surrogacy and speak with a knowledgeable representative.

About SurrogateFirst

SurrogateFirst is a boutique surrogate agency specializing in quickly matching intended parents worldwide with our fully qualified, exceptional surrogates.

We help individuals and couples, regardless of race or sexual orientation, build their families through the long journey into surrogacy. 

At SurrogateFirst, every team member is either a former intended parent or an experienced surrogate herself. We also have first-hand knowledge of what it takes to have an incredible, successful surrogate journey.

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